How to Find True Love (Hint: Be Who You are and Own it)
I’ve been off the grid for a while and have been trying to get back in the swing of things in my daily life (which includes catching up with friends and updating this blog). I’ve struggled with knowing what to write since I’ve had a lot of different topics come to mind over the past month, but I wanted to dedicate today’s post to a friend of mind I just had the chance to connect with since I’ve been gone.
You see, my friend had just recently gone through a breakup, which–let’s be honest–is never easy even when it’s the right thing to do. For a long time, I, like most people, have been told that relationships take work. And while this is true, I’d misunderstood the meaning of this for a really long time. I understood this to mean compromising my own interests and lifestyle preferences to match whoever I was dating. I understood this to mean bending over backwards to make someone happy. Making sacrifices is what relationships are all about, right? Wrong.
Okay, okay, not 100% wrong, but a lot wrong. It’s not fair to ourselves to sacrifice our own values or be ashamed of who we are in order to feel love. That’s not what love is, but for some reason, we keep finding ourselves in relationships that don’t really make us happy.
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At the end of the day, we’re all human beings, and we’re weird. We all have weird little quirks and habits that make us unique. However, when it comes to dating, people feel the need to hide these things until it’s “safe” to show their cards. People choose to disclose certain pieces of information about themselves once emotions are involved because heaven forbid someone judges you for being yourself. That means you’ll have to be single for longer–how awful! (Please note the extreme sarcasm.)
If there’s anything my hiatus from dating has taught me, it’s that I have little patience for dating people who just aren’t right for me. I’d rather be single than date someone who isn’t a good match. No, I’m not trying to get married or settle down anytime soon, but I fully understand that every minute I spend trying to get someone that I don’t really care about to like me–every second I spend making this person a source of support for me (that person I text just to say “Hi.”) is taking away time I could be using doing the things I love or spending time with friends–doing things that could potentially lead me to someone who will actually be a good fit. At minimum, I would be taking time away from things I know will make me happy. Too many people waste time trying to please people who aren’t really that important to them. They spend countless nights with these people because they are scared to be alone or think they won’t meet someone who will love them for who they are.
I’ve known for a long time that I’m extremely optimistic. I’ve managed to figure out my values, along with a set of random things that are mildly important to me, and I honestly believe that there are people out there who fit the bill. I understand that nobody’s perfect, but the day you find someone who has weird habits that don’t piss you off, who makes you feel like you can not only be yourself, but who helps you bring out the best version of yourself, that’s when your faith gets restored. That’s when you know you shouldn’t settle for something that just doesn’t feel right, even if it looks okay on paper.
Be cool with who you are. Own it. Seriously. Wait for someone who will love you as much, if not more than you love yourself. Yes, I laugh at my own jokes (the Dalai Lama does this too–it’s legit). Yes, I argue for no reason. Yes, I have mildly embarrassing overbearing parents (don’t worry–I know it’s because you just love me too much, and I appreciate that!) I’ve learned that either someone will be cool with these things, or a relationship with me is a terrible idea, and we shouldn’t waste anyone’s time. These aren’t things I can hide forever, and over time, I’ve learned there is absolutely no reason to.
“Don’t settle for less–trust your gut.” I couldn’t tell you what exactly made me write this on my bathroom mirror about a month ago, but it stands true today. I believe there is someone out there for everyone–it just takes patience, self loving, and honesty.
Read more on how to find true love:http://thinksimplenow.com/relationships/how-to-find-true-love/